Sorry, I changed my mind
I know that I promised a full narrative, but I've changed my mind.
Today, I spent the entire day with Gabe at the Natural History Museum. It was a welcome relief, almost as if I had stepped outside reality and was able to just "be". It changed my perspective somewhat. I felt better than I had in a long time.
A will make one brief statement.
Everything that I did, I did out of a sense of fairness. Fairness for my own children and all the other students at the TKD studio. I think that certain other adults involved in the situation were and still are blind to the fact that favorite treatment for some was taking place. One, because he was the perpetrator and others because they were the recipients of the favored treatment.
I have no idea if the favored treatment is still occurring. Perhaps. Perhaps not.
What I find ironic is that in my last direct conversation with the Instructor of the school, he described how he was doing things differently so that all the children were being treated more fairly, while at the same time denying that he had ever acted in a way that showed favoritism.
He admitted to a lot of things in that conversation while at the same time denying the seriousness of his actions.
I ask the person in question this. If there was no problem, why did you feel a need to fix it?
Just as Tigpan commented on my last post, it's amazing how these "lies" I tell bring about action to fix the "false" situation I point out.
However, I have come to the realization that no matter what I say, some people will continue to choose to think me a liar. Most likely, even if I had recorded the whole conversation, there are others who would still fault me. I long ago learned the lesson that you cannot help others unless they are ready and willing to help themselves first.
I would like to send a message to one person if she does read this.
Perhaps you are the one and only person in the world who can bring about change through your love. The world is full of infinite possibilities. I only hope that you do not end up like so many other women in this world. Trapped by your love in a situation with no good outcomes.
But back to me.
Sometimes denying reality is easier that living in the real world. It absolves you of making tough decisions and having to be responsible for your own choices. Personally, I like to "own" my mistakes and I have. The only reason that I have fought this long and this viscously, is that I hate being called a liar when I know damn well that all I've ever done is tell the truth. A truth that some people find too painful to confront.
I've decided that I'm going to try some "creative reality" for myself.
I'm going to ask that certain names not be mentioned in my presence.
I'm going to "choose" to act as if those people don't exist.
In a sense, they are dead to me. I've grieved for that loss, now it's time to move on.
Today, I spent the entire day with Gabe at the Natural History Museum. It was a welcome relief, almost as if I had stepped outside reality and was able to just "be". It changed my perspective somewhat. I felt better than I had in a long time.
A will make one brief statement.
Everything that I did, I did out of a sense of fairness. Fairness for my own children and all the other students at the TKD studio. I think that certain other adults involved in the situation were and still are blind to the fact that favorite treatment for some was taking place. One, because he was the perpetrator and others because they were the recipients of the favored treatment.
I have no idea if the favored treatment is still occurring. Perhaps. Perhaps not.
What I find ironic is that in my last direct conversation with the Instructor of the school, he described how he was doing things differently so that all the children were being treated more fairly, while at the same time denying that he had ever acted in a way that showed favoritism.
He admitted to a lot of things in that conversation while at the same time denying the seriousness of his actions.
I ask the person in question this. If there was no problem, why did you feel a need to fix it?
Just as Tigpan commented on my last post, it's amazing how these "lies" I tell bring about action to fix the "false" situation I point out.
However, I have come to the realization that no matter what I say, some people will continue to choose to think me a liar. Most likely, even if I had recorded the whole conversation, there are others who would still fault me. I long ago learned the lesson that you cannot help others unless they are ready and willing to help themselves first.
I would like to send a message to one person if she does read this.
Perhaps you are the one and only person in the world who can bring about change through your love. The world is full of infinite possibilities. I only hope that you do not end up like so many other women in this world. Trapped by your love in a situation with no good outcomes.
But back to me.
Sometimes denying reality is easier that living in the real world. It absolves you of making tough decisions and having to be responsible for your own choices. Personally, I like to "own" my mistakes and I have. The only reason that I have fought this long and this viscously, is that I hate being called a liar when I know damn well that all I've ever done is tell the truth. A truth that some people find too painful to confront.
I've decided that I'm going to try some "creative reality" for myself.
I'm going to ask that certain names not be mentioned in my presence.
I'm going to "choose" to act as if those people don't exist.
In a sense, they are dead to me. I've grieved for that loss, now it's time to move on.
posted by Candy at Saturday, May 13, 2006
1 comments
